


ok so like

by LatiasRed



Category: Osu! (Video Game), Scandinavia and the World, Touhou Project, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Crack Crossover, Fake Character Death, Final Battle, Gen, Hand & Finger Kink, Icelandic hip hop, Inappropriate Use of Stands (JoJo), Joke Trying to Be Serious, More tags later, Music, Norwegian Pop, Rape/Non-con Elements, Roadroller Jokes, Roadrollers, Team Dynamics, Time Manipulation, bullshit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-26 03:38:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19759819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LatiasRed/pseuds/LatiasRed
Summary: Three people.Four stands.Three teams.One ultimate victory royale.One big random battle.This is the ultimate story of Noriaki Kakyoin, Sakuya Izayoi, and Kira Yoshikage.It all started with a mysterious sexy man with a stand called Golden Gaytime, some osu! mascots, Marisa Kirisame the Evil, and some bombs, but then it turned into the ultimate battle royale. Three people and their stands going all out.-This is the result of 3 epic gamers interested in Jojo and Touhou writing the ultimate story. This story brings them all together. Read and enjoy the heartfelt (not.) story of a cherry eater, a hand-lover, and a knif maid written from the ground up, sentence by sentence, with the authors hard at work taking turns.-WARNING! This story includes satirical racism. If this offends you, please don't read. plEase.





	1. The Ultimate Battle! - My Hero Rice Scene VS. Killer Kleenex

  
  


**Chapter 1: The Ultimate Battle! - My Hero Rice Scene VS. Killer Kleenex**

One time there was a sexy man that had jojo makeup, and he started to dance to Africa by Toto using a stand. And the stand’s name was 「 Golden Gaytime 」. 「 Golden Gaytime 」had a big erection. He got this from Gensokyo. Gensokyo was inside Abacchio’s penis. Then this made him piss blood. 

"Fuck.“I can’t believe you’ve done this.” he cried (he was actually an edgy teenager from the 2000s) Abacchio exploded to hell. All of a sudden, Kakyoin nutted. You want to know what he was nutting to? Jotaro, of course. And then, Jotaro walked in on him.

"Oh shiiiit! A rat!" Plot twist! Jotaro was actually Mamizou Futasuiwa from Sado! Kakyoin screamed in terror. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” he scram (because he was actually in his pajamas nutting to Jotaro on his phone.)

"SHUT UP IDOT" and then out of nowhere sakuya izayoi showed up and used the ultimate stand 「sakuyas world」! Old Joseph teleported to Kakyoin and saw the weeb, he yelled: “Baby, baby, baby oooohhh”. Sadly, Jotaro (Mamizou in disguise) was dead because sakuya threw a roadroller at him (her). But plot twist, the real Jotaro shows up. And after that, the Pillar Men show up blasting trap music."imma make some hot fire beats yo" The Stardust Crusaders screamed! Joseph was face to face with the mary sues he killed 50 years ago! But wait, Avdol comes in with his long nonexistent penis and then screams in Greenlandic. "ØØØØØØØØØØØ!" Avdol was so scared that he summoned Magician’s Red! The Pillar Men started doing Fortnite emotes to kill everyone’s eyes!

Sadly everyone was mo shindeiru and all that was left was touhou. All of a sudden, Steve from Minecraft came in with only a thong on. 

then marisa kirisame turned around and saw steve so she laughed  and said "yo lmao fam i killed all the jojo characters with love sign 「master spark」". But she was fooled! All of a sudden, Caesar Salad lifted up the stone that his body was under and FUCKING YEETED IT. The Pillar Men were scared for life so they started playing 1700s music. oh no! marisa kirisame did not like that! she looked at the pillar men with angry face.wav! 

"youre supposed to be dead stop cheating" she said with an angry magician face. 

And then Yoshikage Kira started doing the Chad Walk with an erect dick. Why was he erect you may ask? He was about to snatch more hands. Steve starts twerking to Miley Cyrus. then marisa default danced. "I'm about to break every single thing in this story y'all just wait" Kira had a look of disgust on his face. “My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.” 

The Pillar Men shoved their hands in Kira’s face. “Ok hi eat some” 

marisa kirisame the ordinary magician did not like seeing this sex scene so she made the ultimate move. SHE FUCKING SUMMONED THE FUCKING GOD OF HAKUREI WHICH USED THE ULTIMATE POWER TO CUT EVERYONES HANDS OFF SO THEN THE INVINCIBLE PHOENIX HUZIWARA NO MOKOU BECAME A CHAOS TOMATO EGG. "come on boy" she said without hands. Kira nutted to the pillar men’s hands so hard he started to dance like an Icelander. The Pillar Men were Mary Sues so their hands grew back and started “fucking” Kira with them. this made marisa kirisame so mad that she trashed her local yeezys store. "stop being mary sues your not ######## to get ur hands back noob!" then there was DG Azerbaijan doing the :walking:. “UWU, XD!”. The Pillar Men raised their arms as if they were about to get arrested or robbed. “ahhh esssooooo coñooooo!”

marisa looked at pillar men with happy face. "thats right keep ur arms up skrub m8." since she was a touhou character and there were only girls, her eyes went right to Azerbaijan's pp. marisa kirisame knew her secret. "ohhh shiiit! a traaap!" she yelled, jumping. Azerbaijan lowered “her” voice to sound like a guy. “Yo tf r u talking about” The Pillar Men threw Steve out the room because all he was doing was twerking to disturbing 2011 music. then while dead, huziwara threw the pillar men out the window. "this is good exercise guys" Kira looked at the anime “girl” trap, which looked like the gay cat guy from Re:Zero. “I just wanted to live a quiet life, instead I have to see a thot like you!” he did the “Wanna be friends” emote to Azerbaijan and cut “her” hands off for being a disgraceful thot. Speedweed Weedwagon came in and started moaning like a girl. “naaaaiii~ kira senpai~”

"u r mistaken" marisa kirisame said.

she pulled down azerbaijan's pants and panties.

"all is not what it seems"

Azerbaijan was so terrified he cut off his dick.

Trap Wagon started at Kira and Azerbaijan while exploding air. "you damn fool! you should know that there are no boys in this story as long as a touhou character is present!" Kira was FUCKING PISSED! He summoned 「Killer Queen」and Killer Queen fucking YEETED HIMSELF towards Marisa Kirisame. Garfielfwagon started eating lasagna and then walked to Kira with menacing text. marisa thought that menacing text was cool so to get revenge on 「killer queen」 so she put her hands together.

"you're next, Killer Queen."

she started walking. ドドドドドドドドドド

Killer Queen plunged himself towards Marisa Kira-same. His next action might seem very weak, but it’s about to end Marisa. It might seem like he is just about to touch her shoulder, but it will fucking turn Mah Rice A into a bomb. But wait, Peniswagon actually had a stand called「Jonathan’s Penis」! The stand faced Ma rice scene. 

"oh so you're approaching me" she said. she prepared the ultimate spellcard magicannon 「final spark」.

"you will pay for this" ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ. Killer Lightning McQueen touched Mah Rice Scene’s shoulder. Nothing happened yet, yes? Well all Killer Lightning McQueen had to do for Ma Rice Scene to explode was to press the air, as if he was pressing a button to put a bomb off. He did so. Peeweewagon used his stand to rape Kira, Killer McNuggets, and Rice and Noodles til air died.

but all hope was not lost for my rice scene! at the perfect moment, ray moo the shrine made in hakutaku showed up and grabbed rice scene. "I HAVE A BOMB"

she turned into a roblox avatar. "THIS IS NOT A JOKE" 

Killer Lightning McQueen had a look of disgust. hiS TRICK THAT ALWAYS WORKS, DID NOT WORK! PS4wasgon’s stand died because it did and then ppy.shwagon existed.

the ultimate secret to playing touhou was knowing that nobody dies so moooo threw my hero rice scene at killer kleenex and it died. But since Killer Kek was Kira’s stand, Kira also died.


	2. EPIC Battle - DIO Dies in Endgame and GaBr and Some Weeb Fight to the Death!

Pippi and Yuzu broke into air and saw them.  Then they played weeb music. Josuke T-posed to Kira and saw his dead body. He spat on his corpse and walked away . Pippi and Yuzu acted like Austria so they twirled 3.14 times and waved Scandinavian flags to praise their “Egyptian” gods that went like this: سللاسسظذبلزاشىعزهسنتراشهشاعهمظتازلثيفيطغدسثفغ+#غعشهلغعاعتهن٢نستتظت .

That was aids so then Yuzu died and pippi started singing the ultimate weeb song. "HARUMACHI CLOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then bloody stream started playing but yuzu was dead so all the fruits died. what nobody knew was that Luminous had a skin that made osu!catch My Hero Rice Scenedemia catching stars. 

My Rice Scene was secretly Yuzu. Killer Kleenex was 10000000% close to killing the weeb, which means, he actually wouldve killed the weeb, but my rice cracker didn’T FUCKING DIE! Suddenly, the SaTW Nordics came in because they sensed the Scandinavian flags and twirling. “yo homie I smell air” went pErkele Finlay.  Then a street sign saying Findlay Street fell on pErkele Finlay so he died and air also died. Then Norway died because he drowned himself in the sink that was in the room. All of a sudden DIO did the chad walk towards the Scandinavians. “You’re next, Scandinavia.”  and then menacing text surrounded DIO. 

Iceland started doing the Macarena, Sweden ate an ikea store that’s mini sized, and Denmark did air. “aaaahhh it’s diiieeeeooooo” cried Iceland. Rayman Hakurei shrugged. "yare yare daze". then she stole DIO's credit card and stole marisas line. "daaaa ze!" then she purchased plane tickets to egypt and disappeared. DIO sensed Rayman Hakurei from a mile away, so once she stole his credit card, he instantly teleported behind her and summoned a fucking roadroller. He threw the roadroller without hesitation. “ROADA ROLLERA DAAAA!!!!”  Iceland, still doing the Macarena, starting singing Brennum Allt by Úlfur Úlfur shittily. “svo Brennum aaallllttt.” Sawdon stared at him. “that wasn’t very yare yare daze of you!”  Rayman Hackerman dodged the attack because air and killed DIO because DIO is a vampire and shrine maidens kill vampires. "thank you Dio Brando, very cool!"

“I-Impossible… I am DIO!” he cried. Danmaku, Seesaw, and Glacierland flew to Rayman’s Adventure, grew large penis swords, and started beating her with them.

and then rayman became god. "i know danmaku is just denmark in japanese BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT TOUHOU IS A DANMAKU SHOOTING GAME" then she disappeared because danmaku would die knowing that touhou was danmaku.

All of a sudden, that sexy man with JoJo makeup from earlier roblox danced onto the street, with his stand, 「 Golden Gaytime 」doing Fortnite emotes to get himself into a top kek cringe compilation. “I’m back, jojo sapiens!” The Scandinavians turned around. “Ah shit, hérna við fara aftur.” sighed Iceland. then nobody came out of nowhere ( it's actually a touhou character but you know). "speak englesh loser". The [sexy man with jojo makeup from earlier and his stand 「 Golden Gaytime 」] noticed that he was not apart of this scene happening in the story, since his stand’s special ability is to fourth wall break, he knew if he walked towards them he could instantly become a part of the story.  Swegay turned around and became the jojo art style and menacing text surrounded him. “That wasn’t very nice of you!” he pointed at the weeb like Jotaro would.

Then Luminous's ELA teacher from 5th grade showed up and killed the sexy man and his stand because they weren't being nice. "that's not nice!" Then NotSoBot cried because it wasn't nice.

The [sexy man with jojo makeup from earlier and his stand 「 Golden Gaytime 」stopped time to avoid Ms.Thongson’s attack. Why the fuck can the [sexy man with jojo makeup from earlier and his stand 「 Golden Gaytime ] 」also stop time like DIO and Jotaro? Its one sexy mystery.  The Scandinavians were frozen in time so they just did air. Then sakuya izayoi from before did the DIO walk because she could stop time too and killed 「 Golden Gaytime 」 with a roadroller because air. Then, [sexy man with jojo makeup from earlier and his stand 「 Golden Gaytime 」also avoided Suck my yuh its a yaoi’s attack. Because he's a damned mary sue. “Did you think you could stop me, ???, and my stand, 「 Golden Gaytime 」 ? I am the main antagonist of Part 5 Vento Aureo. Although the Jojo Fans have never seen me before is because they all have aids. Only those who don’t have aids know of my existence.”

Kakyoin for some reason came back to life but with a large [redacted] in his [redacted], and [redacted] was coming out of his mouth. “I’m still alive asshole.”

While ??? was busy talking yin yang, sakuya killed him and his stand for real. then that nobody character from earlier was revealed to just be a girl with green hair. "[spoils Kakyoin's death]!" she said. ??? wasn’t dead, because suck my yuh issa yaoi had aids. “I’m afraid you can’t see me, Sakuya Izayoi.” he knew her full name even though she never said what it was, this was because he could fourth-wall break. “You cannot see me because you have a severe case of aids…!”

Kakyoin used emerald fuck you on the Scandinavians and shoved them in his [redacted] which was dripping lots of [redacted]. “ok now to rero rero the ??? guy and Sakuya.” he said, default dancing to them.

Sakuya dropped ??? in terror. "no please i have a nonexistent family and an oujo-sama to serve named remilia you  can't do this to me"

“Since I can fourth-wall break and predict the future with the power of my stand-” he said, “you won’t survive 「 Golden Gaytime 」 ‘s next attack, which is far more damaging than predicting the future and fourth-wall breaking.” Kakyoin stood right near both of them. “Sorry ‘ladies’, but it’s about time I kill both of you because Jotaro’s soul said so.”

"who cares about jotaros soul" then she summed Remilia the scarlet devil and her ability was to change fate so she did and now sakuya was not going to be killed by [golden gaytime]. then she died because she was only deux en machina anyways. "ha! I played my ultimate trap card!"

??? and 「 Golden Gaytime 」 had rape faces. “My plan worked, and I can predict that Suck my yuh Issa yoai will not come back to life, but now I must reveal my true name!” the scene around him became dramatic af. “My real name is…” [the camera zoomed in on him] there was 「 dramatic af 」 music playing as the flower petals fucking floated around his body and glowed like Ukraine in 198 6 . Kiras theme started playing for some reason, and the part that gives you a stroke plays right as he said his actual name. “My real name is… Gayasfuck Brando”  Kakyoin looked at him and put on his gamer shades. “Is your nickname supposed to be GaBr then?”

Sakuya laughed. "ok so basically"

she summoned her stand, 「 icelandic person」.

"Okay, capitalism rocks." She and her stand walked towards GaBr. She summoned a cowboy hat. "MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA" and her stand fired emoji punches from its pp just like in surreal entertainment's video.

“Okay, so basically” he said, as yellow fire surrounded GaBr and 「 Golden Gaytime 」 “you’ve messed up now, weeb.” Kakyoin took out his stand, [hierophant green], and did a boringass emerald ass splash at both of them. “Die homo.”

" I can see through the fourth wall and I know that you  won't hurt me as long as you know what my stand is." she did an evil maid laugh and threw knifs at GaBr.

“Oh, the pizza is approaching me?” said GaBr and he DIO walked towards the weeb.

“Oh no! My weakass splash did nothing!” Kakyoin cried and then decided to casually eat a cherry. “rEro rEro rEro rEro rEro…”

"im not pizza you asshole"  then she used her stand to delete GaBr. She shot GaBr with a gun she got because air. GaBr got onto his knees “Oh no, it looks like I'm done for!...” and he fell over “you’ve defeated me, but this isn’t your Victory Royale yet…” and he “died”. Kakyoin stared at his body. “k now it’s you and me sak u penis.”

ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ surrounded sakuya. "you're right, but I know how to kill you!"

Kakyoin chuckled. “Is that so? You won’t be able to pull these… Norwegian people out  from my large [redacted] dripping [redacted]!” Iceland was “suffocating” from the [redacted], while Sweden and Denmark committed Roblox.

"I don't give a roadroller about the Norwegian people, my no sadame! I know what will make you die." She summoned a random stand that came out of air. [Sakuya's World]. "Prepare to die."

“Oh shit, it’s [a ripoff of Za War u do]! I don’t want another [redacted] implanted in my body!” he cried™.

She did the dio walk. "you should have  thought about that before approaching me, rero rero." then time stopped and she stabbed Kakyoin with knifs. Kakyoin was severely hurt™ and Iceland was literally holding onto his penis life. Sakuya threw Iceland back into the rice field he came from and froze time again and stabbed Kakyoin with even more knives so he had another [redacted] in his [redacted] dripping [redacted] and he was dead. #1 Victory Royale! "Any more challengers?" ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ.


	3. Revenge (I guess) - Some Gamer Teams

GaBr, who the viewers thought died, actually came back to life, he faked his death basically, when he “came back to life”, he saw that everyone was gone, so his trick must've worked.   
Iceland got up from the rice field he was thrown on and fixed his ski goggles.  
“That was intense. At least I don’t have to taste Mr. Cherryman’s [redacted] anymore. And Sweden and Denmark are dead so 0.”  
Sakuya was asleep at a place nobody knows about because air. she was busy crying over the death of remilia so the world died. (no it didn't).  
GaBr saw Kira’s corpse and default danced on it, but he bent down and had a second thought, “can I bring this bitch back, and get revenge on Kekyoin and the Weeb?”   
“Hmm.. maybe I should help Mr. Cherryman…”   
Iceland wandered around until he found his corpse. He stuffed his head into Kakyoin’s second [redacted] made inside of him by Sakuya.  
Sakuya woke up.   
"Something tells me my enemy has not been defeated. I refuse to live knowing that I haven't gotten the #1 Victory Royale yet."  
GaBr started laughing hysterically.   
“That fucking weeb thought I was actually dead! This is EPIC! But now I should come back stronger than before!”  
He performed CPR on Kira’s corpse.  
Kakyoin got up. “Oh nice, I’m not dead.” he looked around to see if there was any sign of weeb and Mary Sue. However, nobody was there.  
Sakuya used some demon ritual thingies to bring Remilia back to life. "Oujo-sama, we are going to get the #1 victory royale! After we do that, we can go home and drink some tea. Not yet, though."  
"ok p"  
And so, the maid and the vampire formed a team and they were going to kill everyone and get the victory royale they deserved.  
Kira came back to life from GaBr giving him CPR.   
“Who the fuck are you and why do you look so gay?” said Kira  
“I made out with you to bring you back to life, lets go kill that fucking weeb.”  
“I-”  
“Ok that sounds epic, human in part 5 Vento Aureo art style”  
Kakyoin was thinking for 0 years.   
“What could I do to get stronger and beat their asses?”   
Iceland turned which made Kakyoin™ [redacted] more. “How about you take this.” he summoned a Viking hat, exploded it on Kakyoin’s head and drew a deformed cherry on it.   
“And take this.” he gave Kakyoin an axe. “Now use your stand with the sex ok?”  
“Ok.” Kakyoin replied, while taking the axe.  
Sakuya was reflecting which stand she should take along, even though all of her stands were just her. "The stand I'm picking is going to be Sakuya's World. What are you using?"  
The super short vampire wandered off to lala land to decide which stand she should use. 

GaBr and Kira got up and became the most epic antagonist team you could think of.  
“Damn we look hot” said Kira  
GaBr nodded in agreement.  
They summoned their stands and did The Pillar Men poses. They did the chad walk across the street, this looked like something straight out of a movie.

“I look dIsgUstAng!” Kakyoin took off the helmet.  
Iceland COUGHED in Greenlandic. “Shut up now put that shit back on before you die from some b who might appear in 10 seconds.”   
“What…” Kakyoin looked down to see him “What ‘b’?”  
“Nevermind I’m the b.” 

The little loli girl made her decision after 10 minutes. "I'm going to use the gatekeeper as my stand, and I'm calling it… uh... "  
There was an elongated pause.  
"I'll call it 「Meiling's Punishment」."  
"That's my stand, but sure." Then the maid had the ultimate revelation. "Wait, if we both use our stands, it'll turn into an ultimate combo and then the opponents have no chance of winning! Yay!"  
"Kakakakakaka," she laughed.  
Then the two left and started flying in the air.

As Kira and GaBr did the chad walk down the street, Kira looked at the sky and noticed an atom.  
“Are those the weebs from before I died… or is that a mfing bird?”  
“Wait--” GaBr stopped DIO walking.  
“Those ARE the weebs! What the fuck do we do?! We can’t fly up there, yeah we are mary sues but we still can’t!”

Kakyoin looked at Iceland once again. “Are you sure I should be dressed like this with my stand..?”  
Iceland sighed. “yEs that’s why I made you put it on. But you are missing one thing…”  
“Which is?”  
“Dye your hair white, and change those earrings.”  
“That’s a bruh moment but ok.” Kakyoin plug walked down the nearest street.

Remilia looked down and saw atoms. The atoms looked evil, though. "Shit. I think we've been discovered." She observed the evil atoms closely and did recognize one as the mary sue that tried to delete Sakuya earlier. "We need to leave."  
"No." They kept flying like normal.

GaBr could predict the future and fourth-wall break, as that was said about 1,000,000 times before.   
“They noticed us, Kira! We need to fight them, or whoever the hell that is, probably one of Suck a yuh Issa Yaoi’s slaves. I know everything, well, almost everything. And that bitch up there is either enslaving Suck a yuh Issa Yaoi or vise versa.”

Kakyoin walked in a place™ for 3.14 seconds and then came out with white hair and white earrings still shaped like cherries. “I need a better stand, Iceland. Do you have any ide-“ he was cut off by noticing GaBr and Kira.  
“Huh?” Iceland woke up from air.   
Kakyoin exploded behind the place™. “I can't let them see me…”  
“Wait what?”  
“The Mary Sue… he's here, with someone else.”  
“Ok nice but like what stand are you going to use.”  
“You.”  
“k cool” Iceland pulled out Jotaro’s tape, came out of Kakyoin’s [redacted] and wrapped the tape around both of his [redacted]. “Since I’m your stand now, what will you call me?”  
“Uh… how about [An Existing Viking With Ski Goggles].”  
“ok cool”

"They want to fight," said Sakuya, "so we will fight with them." She grabbed Remilia and they went to fly straight towards GaBr and Kira.  
"Don't you think we're going to die?"  
"Of course we will die, but... " Sakuya looked at the fourth wall and quickly looked back. "...we can always cheat and come back to life. We're doing it for fun."

Kira and GaBr saw Raw Meal and Suck a yuh Issa Yaoi, they summoned their stands right away. “KILLER KEK!” and Kira was surrounded with purple fire as Killer McOxygen was summoned. “「Golden Gaytime」 !” GaBr said as he was surrounded with yellow fire.  
They looked like jojo references, but that’s because they were.

“Mr. Cherryman, it’s all on you now. You have to fight.” Iceland said and then went ghost mode.  
“nic.” Kakyoin DIO walked out from behind the store thing whatever and approached the four. He spun his axe around with his hands and posed™, “Ok you assholes I’m back looking sexier than ever.”

Sakuya directly faced Game Boy and Kira-same. 「Sakuya's World」was about to be activated. "Sakuya's World!" Time stopped but then Remilia cut her stand off.  
"Hey, don't you think we should try reasoning with them first? You're so violent."  
"It was rude of you to cut my stand off. These people are enemies. If you want the victory royale, they must be defeated."  
Killer Kleenex and Kai stood before Raw Meal and Suck a yuh Issa yaoi. “Is that so? You don’t know what my stand can do yet, since you don’t seem scared to fight me, Kira Yoshikage.” “And as I can predict all,” said Gay Boy, “You won’t survive Killer Kleenex’s attack.”  
Kakyoin dropped his arms and sighed. “They’re so bad at noticing me, that’s why it’s always so easy to hit them. Anyway… [An Existing Viking With Ski Goggles]!”   
Iceland was instantly summoned, “‘Hi my name is [Iceland], I’m 15, and I never learned how to fucking read.”  
The two weebs were distracted with Gayasfuck Brando and Yoshikage Kira. "I'm not particularly concerned with the fact that I won't survive, especially considering the fact that I can manipulate fate."  
Sakuya watched the two defiantly. "That's right. We have a special attack we prepared just for you, too. Watch yourself."  
Killer McNuggets was holding a small object that seemed extremely pointless but was actually apart of his attack. “This small coin is pointless, yes?” said Kira. “I can’t tell you what it does until Killer Clean gives it to you. Killer Queen Elizabeth threw the coin in Raw Meal’s hands.  
Kakyoin backed away, “Ok I don’t like the sound of that…”  
Iceland also backed away but didn’t know shit he was talking about because he was unobservant.  
Raw Meal dropped the coin and started to walk away. "Look, I wasn't really intending on coming here. I'm leaving. Handle this yourself, Sakuya."  
But then, Suck my Yuh Issa Yaoi turned Raw Meal into her stand. "You forgot that my stand was originally myself. You're not going anywhere."  
"You can't do that to your mistress." She then disappeared because she was a stand that wasn't summoned.  
"I just did," she said while facing Killer Queen Elizabeth of England. 

"It seems you didn’t fall for what that coin was going to do to you if you continued to hold it, but I might as well tell you now, since you refused.” Kira said. “My Killer Queen can turn anything into a bomb, even that coin he just threw at you. And all he has to do for that coin to explode as if it was a bomb, is to click with his fingers as if he was pressing a button, it's simple, really.”

Cherryyoin stared the entire time and decided to walk closer.  
“Hey, uh, aren’t they the bad guys?” Glacierland questioned  
“Yeah they are, but they aren’t battling right now, so I guess it’d be fine for us.”

Sakuya nodded, accepting the knowledge of Killer McQueen's ability. She now had a stand that also had a stand. Stand-ception was very powerful. "Thank you for telling me. That only makes matters worse for you. I can predict so many of your moves now that I know your stand's ability. Haha."

“Fuck.” Kai thought to himself. “I messed everything up, but I might just have to leave this all up to GaBr.” he went on to say his lines: “My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.” Kira paused for a second. “But since I’ve given you my stand’s ability too soon, I’ll leave this up to GaBr.” “W-What??” Gabr said in shock. Kira’s stand disappeared, and Kira left for GaBr to deal with this.

“I guess I was ready for nothing… oh well.” Kakyoin said while turning around and walking away. Iceland went ghost mode again. 

"How unfair. Poor guy needed his 8 hours of sleep and bedtime by 8 pm so he chickened out and left it to this guy. This is boring." She got into a stance for battle. "All I wanted was an epic battle, but instead I have to deal with your ass again!"

GaBr was disappointed that Kira left, but since he gave his stand’s ability away he would probably lose instantly. This was up to him now, either he would kill the weebs or he would die and the weebs would kill everyone else. At this point he couldn’t tell if he was the bad guy or if he was the good guy. “I’ll fight you, but make it quick.” said GaBr.

Iceland’s head popped out from invisibility, “I think they’re planning on fighting again.”  
Kakyoin turned around, “Is that so?”  
Iceland nodded, and Kakyoin plug walked back to them. “I swear to god if they stop again… well they don’t even notice me, so this will be quite easy.” 

Sakuya agreed to making the fight quick, and then she turned to find Kakyoin. "How did you get here? I thought I killed you so hard that you [redacted]!" Then Remilia conveniently showed up without being summoned. "You forgot that a few minutes ago you talked about how if you died, you would come back to life. You don't suspect anyone else can revive themselves? Anyways... " She disappeared again.

“Oh.” said GaBr, “It’s that guy from earlier. Is he going to join this fight too?” GaBr took out his stand again. “I won’t make the mistake Kira made, I’ll finish this for him.”

“Wow cool they noticed me, now I’m fucked.” he said as he took out his stand. “And I’m only fine because my stand here helped me out a bit… he wasn’t a stand before.”

"You're not prioritized on my FBI watchlist. This guy is. And he has the audacity to talk to himself rather than face me and fight like a man." She summoned her stand but didn't use it yet. "Oujo-sama, this is boring."

“If he supposedly wants to fight us, why won’t he come over and fight? And yes, this is getting boring, when the hell will this start? I want this to start and end quickly, and go back to the life I originally lived, but instead some weeb, some cherry fettish guy, and a literal country came out of nowhere.” said GaBr

Kakyoin sighed and stood right before the three bs. “I’m only fighting because I want the #1 Victory Royale, meaning if I finish you two here and now, it’ll be mine.” he swung his axe and held it out. 

"The victory royale is ours. Me and Sakuya planned that from the beginning of time." Sakuya summoned her cowboy hat. "This has dragged on for too long. We start now. Remilia Scarlet! Sakuya's World!"


	4. the actual battle - ok so like: Endgame

Time stopped and k n I F S surrounded them.

GaBr took out his stand and headed right for Raw Meal and Suck a yuh Issa Yaoi. His stand’s ability wasn't only to predict the future, but it could also k i c c and p o n c c h at h i g h s p e e d s, basically, fakeass Golden Expierence and Star Platinum. 「 Golden Gaytime 」pushed away the knifes and kicked the shit out of suck a yuh issa yaoi like the mary sue he is.

Kakyoin sent out [An Existing Viking With Ski Goggles] and then the stand started launching dots of lava at Gay Boy and Suck Pp.

She recoiled from both attacks. "How unfair. Nothing can  suppress my stand. At least, it's what I thought until I met YOU!" Her stand failed, so she threw GaBr at KakRero. "I deserve the Victory Royale more than you."

GaBr was on the ground, but he instantly got up. “You’re just some Touhou character.” he said, walking towards her. “Touhou is a shitty game.” and 「 Golden Gaytime 」proceeded to do the high speed hitting and kicking combination, and used his stand cry, GAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAY!

Kakyoin got up, swung his axe at Kim You Suck and Gay Justin Bieber and his stand put some lava on it so that it does more damage. “Assholes…”

Sakuya was too busy getting beat up but her stand was highly offended by Game Boy's insult. She grew to 999999x her size. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT TOUHOU?"

GaBr looked up “I said…” and shouted, “TOUHOU IS A SHITTY GAME” not regretting anything he just said. “What will you do about it?”

“Alright, time to do what Jotaro does with his stand. Go ahead, Iceland!” Kakyoin yelled. Iceland started exploding the babies with 99999999928273621667 punches. “bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb” Iceland yelled.

Sakuya was still too busy, but those 5 words Game Boy Bruh Moment said were enough for her stand. Remilia stepped on GaBR so hard that he got pushed to the core of za warudo. "die ugly cockroach".

As 「 Golden Gaytime 」and Gay Bruh got pushed to the core, 「 Golden Gaytime 」saved up his energy for his biggest attack. He proceeded to kick big nigga Raw Meal so hard that her leg broke. “How does it feel thinking you are powerful, but then instantly told otherwise?”

“Ok, what’s the point, nothing is working.” Kakyoin groaned. “Those two assholes are so concentrated on fighting each other that it seems like everything I do doesn’t do anything.” he picked his axe back up and sat on the floor™. Iceland committed ghost mode again.

Everything stopped existing, so Sakuya used that as the perfect time to be menacing. "You're next, Noriaki Kakyoin and Iceland." She did the Dio walk towards them. As for Remilia, well…

"I get told that I'm not powerful all the time, but you broke my leg, so I WILL BREAK YOUR PS4!"

“Jokes on you anime girl thot, I don’t have a PS4. and if you’re already told you aren’t powerful that must mean you’re a weak being.” said Bruh Bruh.

“Ay coño.” Kakyoin said and he instantly got up, summoned Iceland and held out his axe.

Sakuya turned into emojis. "You've yee'd your last haw." She took out a paper, but it was an EVIL PAPER! "I make eh reporte for you! I no play with you!" She started aggressively writing on the paper like it was a death note.

Remilia, on the other hand, was still being a baby. "Hulk angry! Detroit smaaaaash!" She pushed Earth with her fist and then punched the ocean causing a tsunami to explode Bruh Bruh.

Bruh Bruh Bruh jumped up in time with the force of 「 Golden Gaytime 」pushing him upward, to avoid all the attacks that just happened “take that, bitch.”

Kakyoin started playing osu taiko on Sakuya with his axe, “EEEESSSOOOOO!” Iceland then exploded the baby peep with punches again.

Sakuya flipped over like the glowing horse. The camera zoomed into Remilia's face. "Not cool man."

“Well, you were right, you are weak if all you could come up with is becoming big nigga and stepping on me.” said Bruh Wave Check, “and since i’ve broken you’re leg what can you do now? Do you want me to break the other one for you?”

“aaayyy que tuuuuuuuuuu” Kakyoin sang while doing nothing. Iceland committed break for arms. Kakyoin pointed at Sakuya, “You’re useless! I’m definitely going to win against you this time.”

Sakuya could carry out the ultimate plan if she just got Kakyoin to think that she was dead. For now, let's do a commercial break.

"Eat this," Remilia said while grabbing Bruh Wave Check. "I don't rely on my legs. I have a stand." She summoned her stand and pointed like a Pokemon trainer. "Meiling Hong! Meiling's Punishment!" Then a Chinese girl came out of Remilia and used kung fu on the ocean. "Watch out watch out! Wave check." The wave check failed because then Bruh Moment was covered with waves.

Cursed Minecraft Image swam to the top of the waves as they were still violent. “A few big waves can’t kill me. Oh and, remember, your stand is apart of you. If you get hurt, your stand will be equally hurt, or vise versa. Although you did fuck me over, I still have lots of energy!”

Kakyoin stood there™ and then sat back down. “ok cool I think I won:tmtmmtmtmtmtmtmtm:::” Iceland committed ghost @p#.

Sakuya didn't even move to breathe and didn't blink, so anyone could assume she was dead. She wasn't ready for her ultimate plan though. Chinese girl was floating behind Remilia because [] and then everything became silent.

.

.

.

"Okay, this is epic." Remilia :put_GarageBand_in_its_place:. "Haha noob ur in the garbage. I'm about to empty my recycling bin." Then the blue mouse cursor with tiny za warudo showed up and started moving towards the Empty recycling bin button. "I'm gonna have to do it."

Despacito Bruh grabed onto the Za War u do cursor, stepped on it, and yeeted it. “THIS BITCH EMPTY, YEET.” 

“Wait…” Kakyoin got up and walked toward Sakuya to see if she’s actually dead.


End file.
